Tuesday, August 28, 2012

From the Inside out

At first, I was trying to figure out how to sum up my entire summer into one blog post... I was immediately overwhelmed by the amount of amazing crazy awesome things that happened that I couldn't even settle my mind to a few specific points.  So here is my attempt at one big summary:

This summer I had the opportunity and honor to serve and work at the Christian summer camp Pine Cove. When I applied, I knew this was where the lord wanted me this past summer, I felt such a calling there. When I was younger, I went to summer camp and admired my counselors so much. My dream was to be in that position one day. To share and teach the amazing story of the gospel and impact the lives of young girls. When I actually got the job I was off the wall excited. Even now, I can not even believe that it's over. I am perplexed that I am sitting in my living room at home, two weeks into college and not jumping around the "Coor" at crazy awesome worship music. I definitely miss it.

Anyways. Despite my want and desire to completely pour out every single amazing, crazy, hard, tiring detail of this summer I kind of wanted to sum the whole experience up with one verse.

"Yet this I call to mind
    and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
    for his compassion's never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
    therefore I will wait for him.”
Lamentations 3:21-24

Although I was working at such an amazing place and doing probably the best job in the world, this summer proved to be the toughest yet most rewarding. In the very beginning the Lord immediately allowed me to become completely broken down. At first I felt as though I was stuck, that I had no where to go. I wanted to run and leave and go home. It felt like I had no joy, no strength, no use anymore. I wish I could go back and tell myself what I know now then. The Lord used that to not only lift me up but to build me up and teach me what it meant to be completely and utterly dependent on him and his will for me. He taught me what it meant to surrender everything to him and be completely renewed. 

This verse, Lamentations 3: 21-24, was the verse I kept in my heart the entire time I was at camp. "Yet I call to mind and therefore I have hope." Even the beginning words are so encouraging. ".. Because of the Lord's great love we are NOT consumed, for his compassion's never fail." I learned this first hand this summer. I felt like I was falling in a dark hole and was not going to be able to get out but God was faithful, he did NOT let me fall, he did NOT let me become consumed and wither away. He reached out his hand and pulled me up and out of what I was drowning in. "His compassion's never fail" He never ever loses his love or passion for us. He is so deeply madly in love with us that no matter what we may do or fall into he not only brings us back to him but renews us. ".. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. The lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for him." We get so consumed in the craziness of the world and forget that God is all we need. One of the greatest lessons we learned at camp was the true meaning of God being our "Portion." In Exodus, when the Israelites were wondering the land, God provided them a daily portion of Manna to survive on. In the bible the Lord only promised us the day that we are given, we are not promised tomorrow or any of the days following. After weeks of camp, energy levels and strength start deteriorating. Our flesh quickly fails but the Lord was faithful in providing the new strength we needed each and every morning. He was/is our portion and provides what we need.  I read this verse every morning and was completely filled time and time again with his love and spirit. Even now, it still leaves me speechless. 

I am so grateful for the path and journey that the lord has set me on this summer. It's tough putting stuff like that into organized thought sometimes. I guess the main point I got from this summer is that God is so faithful. No matter what we may be going through at this moment we need to be joyful and take heart because we are being refined, renewed and taught to better serve for his kingdom. God knows what he's doing, we have to have faith in that and trust that he is walking beside us and will get us through, no matter how big or small it may seem. 

I shared this with my girls each week this summer. Our lives are like a quilt. Each event, moment, hardship, memory etc is like a patch or a square of the quilt. Separate, the events are random patches of cloth, meaningless, making absolutely no sense. However, like in a quilt, when all the patches are attached and put together, it makes a beautiful picture, blanket. Like the quilt, we have to trust our maker, that our so called "meaningless" events in life will come together and make a beautiful picture one day. Just because we can't see it now, doesn't mean its not in the works. Like I said before, we have to trust our maker. 

So take heart, each and every day. The Lord is our portion, our provider. He is here for us, no matter what.  :)

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