Thursday, July 3, 2014

10 things about that first month of marriage... that really do not have any life changing power.

The newest trend in the blogging world seems to be posts that are short, sweet and to the point... literally!

I've always wanted to write a blog with a strong opinionated subject and then a number of bullet points to back up the said subject.

As I have been suffering a major case of writers block (Darn you Tim Howard) I finally decided to take a leap of faith and just write! I mean after a whole month of being married i'm just swimming with wisdom to impart on the world right?! Haha nah, just kidding. After a whole month of marriage I am no expert and have no wisdom that will change the world! BUT I did come up with my very own stew of random information that I have collected and saved just for this very moment.

My 10 things about the first month of marriage that really do not have any life changing power but I found personally helpful or insightful:

1. Everything you think you know about Sex is wrong.

Okay so that's a little dramatic and probably not 100% true but still very worthy of being mentioned! This was the first and scariest thing that my new husband and I jumped into together as a married couple. It was new to both of us and we had no idea what we were doing. To prepare ourselves we did read some very good books on the subject (which I recommend to every engaged couple)! The books, however, left out some key details that I feel you only discover when in the moment. Sex, unlike how the movies portray it, is individualistic to each couple! I wish I would have realized this going in.

Having expectations going into something you don’t know much about should be avoided. Sex is the union God set between two individuals. I like to compare it to our personal relationship with Christ. No two people have the same relationship, connection or experience with our creator. I believe he intended that with us and with this institution. Everyone is different and will have different experiences. It is not just the physical act that brings the two together; it’s the emotional and spiritual bond that is developed during this growth.

Don’t get devastated if it takes a while to get the hang of it. Similar in our spiritual walks, we didn’t start out strong in the faith when we first became Christians, it took time and growth. Same with this! Just know, no matter what, God is the creator of sex and he is sovereign in all things.

2. Going to church as a married couple is AWESOME!

It took me and Justin a few Sundays until we finally made it our home church. We were both tired but so ready to be back in our home. Already feeling a sense of joy, we hardly expected it to be doubled. There is just something about it. I'm not quite sure how to explain it. Going out in public sporting our new bling is fun but blinging in Church was even more fun! Definitely not in a boasting way but it is so cool to be celebrating something Christ gave to us in his house! :)

3. Going to other peoples weddings is a lot more fun than your own wedding.

We got to experience this very soon after our wedding. A dear family friend got married the weekend after we did. Since our honeymoon destination wasn’t far from the wedding, we decided to take a small detour and celebrate! Let me tell you! It was so nice to go to a beautiful wedding that I could literally enjoy! I wasn’t in charge of any details. I didn’t have to socialize with everyone and I COULD EAT THE FOOD!!! It was wonderful. I loved my wedding but I love other people's weddings too!

4. My previous obsession with wedding decor has ever so sneakily transitioned into an obsession with Home decor.

This one isn't much of a surprise. It was inevitable. With my mom being a professional interior designer and my grandmom pinteresting before it was a thing, I was destined. I see it as a nice transition to continue to take routine shopping trips to Hobby Lobby and monogram everything!!!

5. Getting pregnant before your ready is a legitimate fear…. Despite how protected you are.

Kids are a joy. I absolutely love babies and melt whenever I am in the vicinity of one! However, when dreaming of having my own a nice shiver of fear is sent down my spine. There is no way I am ready to be a mom, I am way too selfish and lack some important financials. Despite the protection we have been blessed with using it is still scary because no matter what, God is in control and greater than all. Its a humbling thing to surrender control and accept that if it is in his will to have a baby then Praise him for that! However, also praise him for his perfect timing. Despite accepting it or not the fear sometimes likes to creep in and is legitimate. But God is good always!

6. Some days it really takes God to love your spouse

I don't think I will ever forget the conversation I had with Justin where we both agreed this statement was incredibly true. No matter how hard we try we cannot personally love one another without Christ. It is because he loves us that we love others. There are days where our selfishness and our flesh take hold of us and we aren't very pleasant. There are things that Justin does that can one day make me laugh and then the next annoy the living daylights out of me! It’s incredible and humbling to realize that the love shared in this marriage is not conditional but unconditional. Loving from the flesh results in a disappointing love. Love from our creator results in a cherishing, committed love.

7. “The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy”

Well this one hit me pretty hard after the wedding. I was even inspired to write a whole blog about this one topic/verse. No matter what life event we are experiencing if we put our guard down for one second, Satan is right there ready to destroy us. 1 Peter 5:8 says the evil one is like a prowling lion waiting and looking for someone to devour! He waits until we put our guards down on our insecurities and then attacks! After the wedding, I felt like I was on cloud 9, nothing could touch me! I got a blunt reminder that, that type of lackadaisical thinking is as deadly as walking into battle unarmed.

8. Happy Wife = Happy Husband however Happy Husband = Happy Wife! :)

One of the top pieces of advice I received during engagement was "A happy wife = A happy husband." While I totally agree to this, I also think we need to add on. "A happy wife = a happy husband AND a happy husband = a happy wife!" The door swings both ways. Being able to bless each other is such a blessing in itself. We both have very different love languages and learning those languages and how to speak them is exciting. I love when Justin goes out of his way to bless me but I love it even more to see his Joy and happiness when I am able to bless him!

9. You never have to do anything alone!

I’ve never been the type of person that enjoyed doing things by myself… It may just be a girl thing. I mean there is no so such thing as going to the restroom alone. It doesn’t exist, unless it just has too! While Justin and I were dating I loved always having a date, yet I still felt a sense of independence with handling my “things.” Now that we are married, our individual things have become joined. We not only run errands together, which is nice, we also share expenses and bills! Money has always been a major stress-er for me; there is so much comfort in knowing that I am not alone anymore in paying bills or buying what is needed.  I love having a buddy to share things with!

10. It’s all about the little things

This is my favorite lesson of month one! Every morning, Justin and I try to wake up relatively around the same time but it never happens. He leaves an hour before I do. As much as I try, I am always over taken by sleepiness and just have to sneak those few extra minutes of snooze time! By the time Justin leaves, I usually convince myself to get out of bed. Just like clockwork, I zombie my way to the kitchen to find the Keurig on, a coffee cup in place with the sugar and an accompanying spoon set. All I need to do is press the size cup I want and fresh coffee will come spilling out. This has been going on for over a month now and every morning it fills me with so much joy!

With the wedding season we are so bombarded with an excessive amount of “big moments.” It’s hard to not get used to all the attention and praise from friends and family. It’s nice to have things revolve around us every once in a while. I was definitely one of those girls who really loved the attention and actually started to get used to it. Unfortunately with a high there is always a low. When the wedding season ended, so did the continuous big moment streak! I hit a small phase of self depression but was able to wipe away the fog from my eyes and see from a new lens. The big moments in life are so great and should definitely be celebrated but we should be careful not to get so caught up in them that we forget the even more important little things/ moments that make up the in between! You know, those moments that you can’t share via social media, those laughing fits, those feelings when you are blessed, the feeling when you look in his eyes and can see how much he loves you. The list is endless.

I hope that if you who are reading are currently, have been or will be one day in this stage of life that you will be inspired to make a list of silly random things that made you smile, think or even caught you off guard!  God created us all uniquely and uniquely we shall enjoy his gifts and blessings to us!

God Bless!

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