"Blessed is the man who trust in the Lord, whose confidence is in him."
Reading this verse always sparks a sense of hope and encouragement. No matter what happens, keeping our trust and faith in the Lord will bring blessings from God! To grasp how amazing a blessing from God actually is, I like to imagine it would be like getting the best gift in the world multiplied by a million... no, a billion... no.. I don't even think they make a word for how amazing it is.
Through out my life, I have been faced with hardships and trials. One after the other it seemed. This past semester was no exception. I felt like God had completely left me and abandoned me to fend for myself. Earlier that summer I felt as though my personal walk with the lord and my strength in my faith was so strong. I had never ever expected to be completely turned upside down and have my faith shaken the way it was. My biggest question was "How could God let these things happen?" No matter how hard I tried to just ignore him or turn to the world for comfort, I would always be brought back to my initial spot in front of God. This actually made me more and more upset. I wanted to rebel and "show" God that I had had enough. I was tired, I was heartbroken and I just wanted to be happy again. In this attempt to be "happy" I started turning to things that would keep my mind and focus off of my personal relationship with God and into something else. I started placing all of my hope, love, expectations, trust and faith in someone else. The strange part was the fact that I was convincing myself that I was doing the right thing because I was staying in check with God.... yeah right! I was hiding behind someone whose faith was strong. I was relying on their personal walk to lift me up and to lift my initial hurt self. Long story short, the "plan" ended up caving into itself. The relationship couldn't stand up because one person can't support two.
Watching myself completely fall apart was the worst feeling in the world. I had given my heart away to the lord a long time ago but in attempt to find a sense of happiness again I took it back and entrusted it with someone else. God looks at our mistakes and because of free will allows us to follow in them, falling under the weight of our own mistakes..... the best part about it tho.. no matter what, he is always there to pull us out. To mend our broken hearts, to hold us when we are so torn down from the world.
In my attempt to "show" God I can get happiness and I can get what I need, I ended up hurting not only myself but people close to me who I care about so much. There is nothing worse than watching the ones you love hurt.
God knew that my stubbornness would only take me so far until I broke and even though I felt so distant and far away in my faith he was right there to pick me up from my fall. Through the heartache, he was there to heal it. Through the pain, he was there to comfort. Through the shame, he was there to assure. At this point, I feel as though a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. No the hardships and trials have not stopped and wont stop but my foundation and roots in my Jesus are so firm that it will take more than a little storm to knock me over again.
So as i sit here writing and thinking about where I go next... I opened my bible and turned to page 647. Jeremiah 17:7. Highlighted in pink I read the verse over and over again. No, no lights from above and no hallelujah chorus started playing but the thought "Don't give up, you ain't seen nothing yet" popped into my head. In the stillness I heard it loud and clear. A sense of pure encouragement and hope filled me up.
I just wanted to encourage those out there who are stuck, who are mad at God, who are mad at the world and just don't know what to do. Just be still. Exodus 14:14 "The lord will fight for you; you need to be still." No matter what we are going through, the world will always seem like the perfect place to find comfort but wont be able to provide. In our hardest moments we just need to put aside the pride and stubbornness and just be still, because no matter what, God always has something better for us. No matter how hard things get we can't give up, It can only get better from here.